


summertime in bloom

by cm14



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming of Age, Growing Up Together, M/M, hide the longing we can't let them know we yearn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26842576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cm14/pseuds/cm14
Summary: Youngjae's finger travels the rim of his wine glass. "So, we agree, then?""What?""That we do like each other." The circular motion stops. "Or, shall we continue being terrible liars instead?"Jaebeom's mouth goes dry the same instant Youngjae's lips quirk in a slight smile. "How about it?"
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB
Comments: 22
Kudos: 30





	1. 01

Jaebeom’s bike skids to a stop in front of Youngjae’s gate as he plants his foot on the asphalt. “Come on. We’re gonna be late.” 

Youngjae sighs, picking his sling bag up. He’s carrying too many things, Jaebeom notes.

"You were supposed to be here five minutes ago,” but his voice has no real bite to it. He hoists himself up on Jaebeom’s bike, "here, hold this.”

“What?” Jaebeom twists around just as Youngjae shoves something to his chest. It’s a placard lined with a cornflower bordure, contrasting against the slight off white paint. Their school colors. His brows furrow as he reads the text. 

“Welcome... freshmen. What’s this?”

“We’re seniors, so it’s our turn to host the freshmen assembly.” Youngjae rests his bag on his lap. “Dunno, Yerin just asked me to make some props. Look at this one.” He takes out a few paper flags from the pocket of his bag.

“Welcome freshmen. It just says the same thing.” Jaebeom frowns; Youngjae hits his arm lightly. “Hey, we’re so late already. Get going.”

“I can’t control my bike while holding this. Just put it in your bag.” Without even looking, he hands the placard back to Youngjae. The boy grumbles.

“I made you hold it cause it doesn’t fit!” He’s a petulant whiner. “Just- whatever. Now hurry up.” 

Truthfully, it was still early in the morning. The ride to school was only ten minutes. But star student Youngjae doesn’t want to risk tarnishing his perfect attendance. And Jaebeom, well, he's just himself. He'll do anything for Youngjae. He lifts his foot from the asphalt and starts pedaling hard. 

-

After the assembly, the two boys find themselves lying under the cover of their small school’s only flowering tree. During springtime, the Korean abelias bloom and fall from the branches, coating the track field with a romantic off-white hue.

Youngjae sits up and scoops the tiny flowers with his hands. He doesn’t have the most delicate of fingers, but he does play the piano. He starts weaving through Jaebeom’s hair.

“Jaebeom-ah. Weird question.” Jaebeom tilts his head up to face Youngjae, his expression puzzled.

“Okay, shoot.”

Youngjae unthreads his fingers from Jaebeom’s hair. The crown of abelias rests by his forehead. “Have you ever wanted someone to touch you?” 

Jaebeom lets out a smirk. “You mean, do I ever get horny?”

“No! God,” soft hands land firmly on Jaebeom’s chest, “no, seriously though. I mean…” Youngjae’s voice grows distant. “Just being touched. Hugged, maybe,” his voice wavers just the slightest bit, “you ever just… want that?”

Jaebeom considers it.

"Sure.” He lets out a noncommittal shrug.

“By a boy. Someone that’s also like you.”

Jaebeom freezes. As discreetly as he could, he averts his head to observe Youngjae. His eyes have glossed over, mind somewhere else entirely.

“Youngjae-yah, if there’s something on your mind, you can tell me. You can tell me anything.” He sits up, now unafraid to make eye contact. “I’m bad at riddles. You know this.”

Youngjae is unresponsive. He simply shifts under the scrutiny of Jaebeom’s gaze.

“Are you…?”

Before Jaebeom can say it himself, Youngjae cuts in. “I’m seeing someone right now. His name is Brian. He plays in a band, and he treats me well. Beom, I like boys. I like him,” he finishes in one breath. 

Jaebeom is quiet for a long time.

“Jaebeom-ah?”

It’s too late, isn’t it? Jaebeom’s always too late.

“Jaebeom. Say something, you’re freaking me out.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Youngjae’s brows furrow.

“Okay. How did you know?”

“Well,” he picks at the grass beside him, refusing to look at Jaebeom, “I’ve thought about this for a long, long time. And right now, it’s the only thing that makes sense in my life.”

Jaebeom stares at the abelias yet to fall. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. Nothing has to change. You know I’ll always be here for you, right?”

Youngjae sneaks a glance at Jaebeom. He wonders what he’s looking at. He decides it doesn’t really matter.

“Yeah.”

-

It’s the summer before they move out for university. They’re hanging out at Jaebeom’s house. His room is half-empty. Twenty years of his life is condensed into several cardboard boxes and some luggage bags. Youngjae thinks about the luggage in the corners of his own room, thinks about the story his own boxes tell. How much of it overlaps with Jaebeom’s?

“Here’s to being twenty,” Youngjae lifts a bottle of soju, proposing a toast. Jaebeom eyes his own bottle soberly. “Youngjae, are you sure it’s okay that we drink straight from the bottle?”

“Why not? Drinking’s never a bad idea. C’mon, clink clink.” He bumps their bottles together. The sound rings lightly throughout the small room.

“It’s pretty strong, you know,” Jaebeom reads the bottle, “thirteen point something something percent alcohol… huh.” He lifts his head. “Don’t you think we should be doing these as shots instead?”

Youngjae has his eyes closed and his head tipped.

“Alright then.” Jaebeom takes a tentative sip.

“Shit! That burns,” Youngjae laughs. His cheeks are slightly rosy. Or maybe it’s just the afternoon sun. “So this is what being twenty’s like. We can drink.”

Jaebeom sets his bottle down with a nose scrunch. The soju really doesn’t taste good. 

“We can vote next year. Get married.”

“Should I enlist now? Just say fuck it to college, go to the military and get it over with?” Youngjae stands up, then sits down just as quick.

“And why would you do that?”

Jaebeom’s answered with a hearty giggle.

“Have you ever thought of smoking though? We can do that now, you know.”

“Gross, no!” Genuinely stunned by the question, Jaebeom stands up and walks to his guitar. “I told you I want to become a singer someday. I can’t just do things like that.” He strums softly; a discordant sound fills the room.

“So, just drinking then?”

“Sure.” He turns to Youngjae. “I’ve thought about this even before we turned legal.”

“Twenty questions!”

Jaebeom’s lying spread eagle- his bottle is only half finished and his head is already starting to pound. He turns his head to look at Youngjae, hyper from the alcohol. He’s finished his soju a while ago.

“What are we even gonna ask,” Jaebeom asks as he rolls over and slumps to the side. “We basically grew up with each other.”

Youngjae ignores him. “Question one! What was your wildest sexual experience?” He wiggles his eyebrows. Jaebeom really can’t take him seriously, not when he’s like this.

“Huh. I don’t think I ever told you about the time Hayoung blew me at the back of the bleachers.” Jaebeom’s nose scrunches just thinking of the memory.

“You’re so boring. I already know that one,” Youngjae blows raspberries at him. “But I’m giving you a free pass. Your turn.”

Jaebeom hums. “Hm. First kiss?”

“Dude, what?” Careless laughter fills the tiny room. “What kind of question is that? Did you forget I dated in highschool?”

Jaebeom rises into a sitting position, supporting himself by his palms. “You said twenty questions! Just thought there wouldn’t be a lot of gay guys in our school, is all!” He huffs.

Youngjae won’t stop laughing. “Okay, okay okay okay. But you do know I did get my first kiss even before I realized I was gay?”

Jaebeom’s astonished. “And you never told me?” Youngjae simply shrugs.

“It was a bad experience. Wait, are you sure I never told you?”

Jaebeom nods- maybe a bit too hard. He feels his brain bouncing around in his skull. It’s the damn alcohol.

“Okay, well. My first kiss? Was with this upperclassman. Ayeon-noona.” Youngjae leans against the wall. “She called me cute then asked me if I’d ever been kissed,” he rolls his eyes, “but I was like, what, in seventh grade?” He barks out a laugh. “Have you ever tried to buy alcohol before we became legal?”

Jaebeom’s silent.

“Jaebeom-ah. Your turn,” Youngjae pouts, “hey, hey, Jaebeom-ah, it’s your turn-”

“What’s it like to kiss a boy?”

“What?” He’s taken aback.

“What’s it like? With a boy?” Jaebeom’s staring at the ceiling fan.

“You’re so bad at playing twenty questions. Anyway, ask stupid questions, get stupid answers. It’s just like kissing any other person, Jaebeom-ah!” He folds his arms, confused as to why his friend is acting like this all of a sudden. Jaebeom remains quiet for a long time.

“Are you okay?” Youngjae crawls to where Jaebeom’s sitting and plops down. “Don’t tell me… you like someone?”

“Youngjae.”

“You’re making me nervous. What is it?” Youngjae begins to worry his lip in between his teeth.

“Remember senior year, the afternoon we spent under the school tree? When the freshmen assembly just finished and we skipped class together?”

Youngjae’s eyebrows are furrowed. “Of course.”

“I should have known. All this time, I should have known.” Jaebeom finally turns to look at him.

“I don’t understand.”

“I like you. I’m not good with words. That’s why I have to tell you like this, to your face.” Jaebeom’s heart is beating out of his chest. “You’re the only thing that makes sense to me. And you’re the only boy who’s ever made me feel this way.”

A heavy silence fills the room. Neither of then move.

“Youngjae-yah. Say something, please.”

“Do you still want to know what it’s like?” Youngjae’s gaze turns warm.

“What?”

“To kiss a boy.”

Youngjae’s hand moves towards Jaebeom’s. He flushes.

“I’ll show you.”

Youngjae takes Jaebeom’s cheek in his hand, cups his face as if he were something fragile, something that could break at the slightest touch. Jaebeom leans into Youngjae’s palm instinctively- he’s never felt more at home than he does now. He closes his eyes as Youngjae presses a chaste and tender kiss to Jaebeom’s lips. Just as he starts into motion, Youngjae pulls away.

“That’s what it’s like.” His ears are burning red.

“Is this what it feels like? To like boys?” Jaebeom crawls over to Youngjae and sits on his lap. Youngjae is so beautiful- flushed and breathless and the setting sun highlighting the sweat beading around his forehead. He is so, so beautiful and Jaebeom wants more.

Youngjae pulls Jaebeom in by the collar of his shirt. They connect once more, but less gentler this time. It's ugly. It's desperate. It's hungry. Jaebeom twines his hands in Youngjae's hair, afraid that the boy will disappear into thin air if he ever lets go.

Youngjae pulls away for a moment. "It's you, Jaebeom," he rests his forehead on Jaebeom's, "It's always been you. I just-"

"Shh." Jaebeom lifts his chin up with a finger, "I don't care." He leans back in, tilts his head at an angle. Their lips fit perfectly together as Youngjae pushes back against him. The sensation frightens and excites Jaebeom all at once. 

In the heat of the moment, Jaebeom accidentally bites down on Youngjae's lower lip hard- and it slaps the boy back into reality. With panicked eyes, he pushes Jaebeom off his lap, sending the boy tumbling.

"Oh god. Oh my god." Youngjae's shaking. It takes Jaebeom a second to process what's happened.

"Wait. Youngjae, calm down."

"No. We shouldn't, we really shouldn't." Youngjae hurriedly stands up. 

"Nobody needs to know! Brian doesn't need to know," Jaebeom's voice is increasingly desperate, hand latching onto Youngjae's wrist, "I won't tell Nayeon too, Youngjae, please-"

"I'm sorry." He shakes Jaebeom's hand off his wrist.

"Look at me. Please, look at me."

Youngjae shakes his head. "I have to go home."

He rushes out the door. He doesn't even bother pulling it shut. Jaebeom's left alone in his room.

-

Youngjae's the first to leave for college. It happens after a few weeks. Jaebeom can't bring himself to say goodbye personally. He merely stands at his doorstep and observes the Chois load his luggage into the sedan.

Youngjae waves at him. He's not looking. Not even smiling. Jaebeom doesn't know if it's meant for him at all.

The car drives off. That's the last they ever see of each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii thanks for the overwhelmingly positive response for the markbeom fic i love u funky little ppl. unforch this one is not smut but who knowsss maybe in the future.
> 
> btw this isn't the longfic i was previously talking about! just a mini project i wanted to get out of the way so i can properly work on my fic fest entries (ooooooh). the second half to this will be posted around ummmmmmm next week. when i get around to finishing it. school is beating my ass and i have so many projects i want to work on but can't because of my schedule.
> 
> hmu on [cc](https://www.curiouscat.me/vyzks) if u want! also i might consider taking <500 word requestsssss so send those my way yayayaya


	2. 02

"You know my order. Oh, but make it a grande this time." Youngjae whips his wallet out. Yugyeom fixes him with a quizzical look. He's too busy fumbling with his pockets to notice.

"Um, aren't you supposed to be in the campus right now, or..?" His voice trails off suspiciously. "Four thousand five hundred won, hyung." Youngjae meets his eyes at the same moment he slaps the bills onto Yugyeom's open palm.

"What, never skipped a class?"

"Jeez, don't take that stress out on me. Anyway, you'll be pleased to know I shined your usual table extra hard this morning," he finishes with a placid smile before attending to the next customer.

“Oh, Youngjae.” Mark, the second barista, hands Youngjae his iced drink over the counter. “Bit larger than what you usually get, huh?”

“Hyung,” Youngjae nearly whines. “I’m just stressed right now. Need this extra pick-me-up.”

Mark gives him a sympathetic smile. “Mhm. That time of the semester,” he slides some paper tissues across the counter. “You’ll get through this. Cheer up!” He pumps his fist, then returns to his station to make the next beverage.

His smile is infectious. At least that lifted Youngjae’s spirits up a bit. He makes a beeline for his usual table near the outlet, where he'll take his usual seat that usually faces the window, so that he can spend a usual amount of 5 or so hours working on his term papers, as usual.

Except there's another man occupying his table, sitting on his seat, hunched over a textbook placed where his laptop is supposed to be. Fuck. Youngjae hates sharing tables, but he really needs that outlet.

"Hi, um, excuse me, sir? Would you mind if we share this table," with his free hand Youngjae fumbles with his laptop bag and books, "I just really need to charge my—"

"Youngjae?"

And for the first time in years, Youngjae finds himself looking at Jaebeom. He attempts to ask Jaebeom what he's doing here, but he cuts in.

"You're carrying too many things. Here," he takes Youngjae's coffee and a few notebooks, puts it all down on the table. "After all these years, you still haven't changed."

Youngjae isn't so sure where the familiarity's coming from.

"Oh! You said you wanted to take this table?"

"No, no no no! We can share, if you want, I guess." Youngjae shuffles to the opposite seat, setting down his textbook and laptop bag. This isn't his usual seat. It's farther away from the wall outlet. Why did he have to meet Jaebeom today, of all days?

"Hand me your charger."

"What?" Youngjae's taken away from his reverie.

"You said you need the outlet? I'll plug it in for you." He extends his hand, expecting. Even then, Jaebeom always did everything for Youngjae without him having to say anything. So he has no choice but to comply. He drops the charger in his palm.

"Thank you, hyung."

Jaebeom goes under the table. "You changed your number after you left for Seoul."

Youngjae freezes. Jaebeom makes his way back up.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You know why," Youngjae says through gritted teeth.

A loaded silence falls in the space between them. Jaebeom pulls the trigger first. "It's been three years. I've forgotten. Why don't you tell me over dinner?" He fishes a business card from his wallet.

"You have business cards..?"

Jaebeom shrugs. "I make music."

"Wait, dinner?"

He's stuffing all his books into his bag. "Text me first so I know it's you." And he's gone.

Jaebeom's spinning around in a swivel chair.

"'Aight, I gotta go now. But the song is great. We can put it on the album." Sunghyun clicks his tongue as he rises to gather his things. Jaebeom stops abruptly.

"Woah. Really?"

Sunghyun looks at him fondly. "For sure. You're really good, Jaebeom. More people need to hear you sing." He slings his bag across his arm. "See you tomorrow."

"Thanks, hyung. Take care." The door to his studio clicks shut.

He smiles dopily as he slides from across the room to the laptop. Just as he replays the song, his phone pings. He picks it up, wondering if his friend left something behind.

It's an unknown number.

11:08pm  
_So when's dinner_

His brows furrow. Jaebeom _was_ the one who invited him to dinner, but he's confused that Youngjae actually did choose to text him back. His fingers hover above the screen, unsteady.

11:12pm  
you could've introduced yourself

Is this jaebeom

yes. does friday sound good  
7pm at the sixth. the one in gwangjin district

It's too expensive there!!!!!  
Not thereeee I can't

let me treat you.  
we haven't seen each other in a few years

Fine you pay for everything

of course.

OK then I'll see you👍🏼 Excited to catch up hehe

The screen goes dark. Jaebeom doesn't realize he's already spent a minute just staring at Youngjae's last message.

-

The façade of the restaurant is gaudy. Youngjae shivers under his dress shirt, either from the cold or his distaste of the place. Maybe both.

"Hey. You made it." He hears a pair of boots scuffle to a stop beside him. Jaebeom looks simple but suave in his maroon turtleneck and pressed blazer.

"You look... stylish," he comments. Jaebeom snorts.

"Come on. We have a reservation."

"When did you come to Seoul?" Youngjae curls his fingers around his wine glass. "I thought you went to Kyung-hee University."

"I did, actually. It has a campus in Seoul. I spent a year in Suwon, but decided to go where the culture is." Jaebeom narrows his eyes at Youngjae's glass. "Might want to take it easy on the alcohol."

"I plan on poking a hole in your wallet." He downs his glass, then reaches for the bottle.

"It's empty already?" He frowns.

"You drank over half of it." Jaebeom purses his lips as he watches him motion to a waiter, asking for more of the same wine. The boy bows and rushes to the kitchen.

"Well, where's the campus?"

"In the Dongdaemun district."

"Woah." Youngjae's mouth forms a round O shape. Jaebeom's pretty sure he's had enough to drink. "That's kinda far from Gwangjin."

"I know, but you live near Konkuk, right? I didn't want to make you travel far." He pokes at the potatoes on his plate.

"You still remember when I told you that?"

"What? Of course." He looks up and meets Youngjae's eyes sincerely. "I've known you since I was five. And you always told me you wanted to go to Konkuk. You always told me you wanted to see the Han river." Youngjae just pouts. Jaebeom starts to think he's really out of it.

The waiter arrives with more of the wine, popping the bottle and refilling Youngjae's glass for him.

"So... I was really upset," he averts his gaze back down to his potatoes, "when you changed your number and didn't tell me. I felt like you abandoned me."

Youngjae blinks owlishly.

"Okay... are you done?"

Jaebeom's eye twitches. "That's all you have to say? I poured my heart out, and that's all you have to say?"

"You call that pouring your heart out—" he suppreses a snort. "Fine, I'll bite. You think I abandoned you?"

"I do. And you really hurt me. We grew up together, and I loved and cared for you so much. I still do, you know?" Jaebeom's eyes are pleading.

"Wow. You want to fuck me so bad it actually makes you look stupid right now."

Jaebeom startles. "I— what?"

"You still like me."

Youngjae downs his wine in one quick gulp and pours another. Jaebeom can't do anything but look on with worry as he watches him pour more wine. He chooses not to say anything. About his drinking, about his comment.

He sets down his glass. "I understand you now. It makes perfect sense."

"Youngjae, please slow down with drinking."

He doesn't listen. His finger travels the rim of his wine glass. "Well, no. I will not. But we agree, then?"

"What?"

"That we did like each other." The circular motion stops. "Or, shall we continue being terrible liars instead?"

Jaebeom's mouth goes dry the same instant Youngjae's lips quirk in a slight smile. "How about it?"

Jaebeom sets his fork down. "I actually have a boyfriend." Though he's telling the truth, he feels terrible. Like he was just caught in the middle of a blatant lie.

"So do I. Brian never did find out," Youngjae laughs bitterly, "but does that really change anything?" He lifts his glass, examines the smooth purple fluid as it sways.

"Youngjae, I think you've had enough to drink. We're already halfway through our second bottle—"

"So you think I'm saying this because I'm drunk?" His voice is restrained. Jaebeom looks up, winces. Expects to see the tone reflected in his eyes. But he's met with a stone mask. As if Youngjae had just asked a simple yes or no question. He's not sure if it hurts less than if he had just seen the pain written all over his face. Maybe this is worse.

"It's not that."

"Of course it is." Youngjae smiles. It's concealing. It's sweet. It doesn't suit him. Jaebeom wants to rip it off his face. Since when did he become someone who didn't even deserve Youngjae's honesty?

He places an elbow on the table, rests his head on his hand. His sleeve hangs low, dangerously close to the sauce of the steak. Both of them say nothing about it.

"All of this has happened before, and it will all happen again." Youngjae's gaze unsettled Jaebeom.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. We were kids, okay. We were stupid and drunk and I didn't know I was gay at the time," he snaps. Still, he couldn't bring himself to look away. Youngjae just barks out another bitter laugh.

"Three years have passed, but it's like nothing's changed. You're still very much a terrible liar. You think I didn't figure out what was going on in that brain of yours when I came out to you?" He leans forward. The brown sauce stains the elbows of his shirt. "The abelias were so pretty then. Do you remember?"

"I told you," Jaebeom says through gritted teeth, "I didn't know I was gay."

"Well, I did. Do you know how many times you broke my heart? The first time, it was that girl from our maths class. I caught you two in the middle of a kiss."

"Youngjae."

"You dated so many people. And you were never happy. Do you remember?"

Youngjae waits for a reply. Jaebeom seethes in silence.

"You do. You do remember. You were never happy. So you just kept on dating. And every single time, it would break my heart. But you went through all those girls anyway."

"Stop it."

"But the worst of them all was when you kissed me. It was so funny," he leans back. "I thought that I was finally getting what I wanted, but you never loved me, did you?"

Jaebeom closed his eyes. "I did love you. In the weird, fucked up way I knew how to. And I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I didn't know, and it isn't fair that you're pinning this all on me now." He lets out a shakey breath.

"And it also wasn't fair that I fell in love with you and you never noticed. It also wasn't fair that when I thought I was about to get over it, you practically begged on your knees to keep making out with me." Youngjae sways as he stands up. "You know what? I thought we'd be able to catch up, even become friends again, but you just had to make it weird." He pushes his chair back; it scrapes loudly against the marble floor. "I never want to see your face again."

Jaebeom reaches for his wrist. "Youngjae. You're drunk out of your mind. At least let me call you a cab." Youngjae pulls back stiffly.

"Will you _stop_ with just randomly grabbing my wrist? I'm going. Don't even think of texting me."

Jaebeom watches him attempt to make a beeline for the door, nearly bumping into a busboy on his way out. He's left alone in the table.

All of this has happened before, and it will all happen again.

"Yes, yes. That's the address." Youngjae slumps at the back of the taxi. He fishes inside his pocket for his phone, and dials Brian.

"Hey babe! How was dinner?" Youngjae could hear the TV in the background. "How's Jaebeom? Haven't seen him in a while."

"Brian, it took me such a long time to learn how to love you. I never fell in love. That's lame as shit. It was a slow process and I took my time loving you. Learning how to love you. And I'm so happy—" he burps. " _God_. God, I'm so happy I took my time."

"Babe, are you okay?"

"I love you so much. And you're the only boy who'll never hurt me."

He rolls his head back. On the other end of the line, he hears shuffling. "Youngjae, I love you too, but where are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm drunk." Youngjae giggles. "I'm on the way home. Let's have sex."

The driver glances at him through the rearview mirror. He smiles from cheek to cheek.

"I— ah. Youngjae. Don't say things like that out loud. I'll wait for you outside the apartment."

"Let's have sex when I get there." He can already picture Brian flushing.

"Okay. But stop saying that. How far away are you?"

"Five minutes," he leans on the window. "I'm near."

"I'll be standing outside the apartment, okay?" He can hear the worry in Brian's voice. Butterflies fill his stomach. It's just like the first time he realized he finally loved Brian back.

"Okay. I love you. I'm so happy I chose to love you." He ends the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally done! i'm not sure if i'm satisfied with the conflict? but i can't think of how to improve on it any more. it took slightly longer than a week so thank you for waiting! now onto fic fest entriessss
> 
> btw a massive!!!! thank u. to all my commenters for being incredibly generous w words reading comments just makes me feel all :((( and <333 u guys r so cool. thanks for reading!
> 
>   
> [ my cc! ](https://curiouscat.me/vyzks)


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